If I call anything schoolwork, she hates it

My daughter is 9, I have found if I call anything schoolwork, she hates it. So I call it projects. We've been doing Native American type things this fall and I discovered the Indian in the Cupboard series on audio tape. The amount of history and factual detail, as well as an honest view of what happened in regards to the native people is amazing. She loves listening to them, but if I had put out a workbook on the same topic we would have been fighting to get it done. Most of what she's getting for Christmas is "really neat toys" – they are also, with one exception, things that fit into things we are, or will be studying. We do as many fieldtrips and watch as many videos on any given topic as we can, she hates writing and her spelling is absolutely horrible. Her reading skills are much better. Anything hands on works wonders. I also have two rules: no TV till after 5 pm (unless it's a relevant video) and no friends until her schoolwork is done. Since they get home from public school after 2:30, it helps to motivate.

Learn & Master Piano Homeschool Edition

I really like the look of the Learn & Master Piano Homeschool Edition

Contains 14 DVDs, 5 play-Along CDs, 100+ Page Lesson Book, 68 Page Teacher's Guide, 1 DVD Teacher's Resource and unlimited access to Student Support Site.

I don't think I can homeschool my son

I don't think I can homeschool my son. I just get too frustrated. I spent all this time coming up with cool stuff for him to do. Today we're supposed to be learning about the arctic. We read Magic Tree House, Polar Bears Past Bedtime, which was o.k., but he even complained about that at first. Then we were going to make an igloo out of marshmallows & royal icing, could there be anything more fun? And he's complaining the whole time. He wanted to play a computer game, he wants to do this, he wants to do that. He wants to do whatever as long as I didn't come up with it.

I’m sick of it. I’m frustrated. I need a morale boost.

I know that if my son were in a regular kindergarten class he would pay attention and enthusiastically participate - he always did when he was in pre-k and then the k- program. It’s simply an issue of not wanting to do stuff because I want him to. It’s making me crazy.

The ONLY thing he ever wants to do is play pretend. He's a cat, I’m the owner. He’s a cowboy, I’m the horse. Whatever. That's ALL he wants to do and I am NOT good at it.

What’s your definition of successful parenting?

Very interesting blog post

What’s your definition of successful parenting?

Learn & Master Painting Homeschool Edition

I've just discovered Learn & Master Painting Homeschool Edition

Contains 20 DVDs, 3 Music CDs, 100+ Page Lesson Book, 56 Page Teacher's Guide and unlimited access to
Student Support Site.

How much did your school experience decision to HS?

There's a really interesting thread going on at HomeSchool Spot, you can follow it here

How much did your school experience decision to HS?

Starting Out

We decided not to send my daughter to the Montessori school for kindergarten. Instead, she will be homeschooled here at home and attend a "farm school" one morning/week. It is a little school that will focus on animals and their care as well as nature and other outdoorsy things.
I have lots of good things planned, have created my "math lab" box with worksheets (mostly Miquon) and manipulatives. I ordered language lessons from Lost Classics Books as well as a history text. We are also using the Environmental Science curriculum from Oak Meadow, their Carpentry for Children and recorder. She has started soccer and my son will be continuing to go to the pool and the climbing gym. The only thing I haven't figured out is how to get both of them in a Spanish class or other language class.

How would you know a kid needs vision therapy?

How would you know a kid needs vision therapy? Also, what kind of professional would provide this? My son also has hypotonia, perfectionist tendencies, etc. Is vision therapy related to the visual processing difficulties I was asking about the other day? Still trying to figure this one out.

Vision Therapy

Here's a website explaining about Vision Therapy

It explains a lot of it. I must admit that I really don't get it all. It's more than just vision, it's also how the brain works. Very complicated stuff.

This web site has a list of doctors on it. Ours is listed as a fellow (Dr. William Ludlum). I think a good vision therapist is just as important as the doctor. Our therapist is actually the doctor's wife. I think she knows as much as her husband does. She is a truly amazing women. I feel so lucky to have found her. I know she gives lectures all over the world.

We have stuff that we're supposed to be doing at least every other day. If you think your child has a vision problem, I highly recommend checking it out. It has really changed my little girl's life.

PE Goals for our children

I think that the goal for our kids should be to be fit and healthy, whether it is through playing team sports or just rollerblading, hiking, walking with mom everyday, just being active, getting outdoors is so important. Is it possible that instead of driving everywhere (I am assuming you live in a more populated area than I do) maybe you both could walk to the store, to rent a video, the library, etc. He will eventually learn how to ride a bike and then he can ride around. I would also limit TV and video games and computer stuff.

Sports and Exercise

As far as the exercise goes, how old is he? My son is 11. He did not really learn to ride a bike until he was 7 or 8. He tried soccer and hated it! He also isn't the most coordinated kid on the planet. He just started tae kwon do and seems to like that but completely avoids team and group sports.

Let him choose his own path when it comes to exercise and fitness. If he likes to be outside playing on the swings or running around, that counts.

It's fun, it provides exercise and it costs nothing. I think our society is really a bit twisted when it comes to team sports. We start children younger and younger in these activities, we as a society want them to become "team players”, group participants and yes, "mentally tough". Think about that! It really doesn't make sense. I've never heard "mental toughness" being needed to overcome sensory integration issues. In the coach saying he needs mental toughness, he is nearly implying that he is just a "wimp" and needs to toughen up to overcome his challenges. Personally there is nothing I hate more than that type of faulty equation. Children should do things not to learn what I feel are "corporate" personality skills, but to find joy and pleasure in the physical activity itself.

I have been involved in various sports my entire life. Mental toughness? No, I don't think so. I look at sports for what they can do for us over the course of our lives.

There are a lot of mental or psychological benefits but for me, they are related to feelings of personal enjoyment and achievement. Perhaps He would enjoy more individually oriented sports, like swimming for instance. You can also consider hiking, running, climbing, or whatever he is interested in. He has lots of time to develop an interest. I wouldn't lose sleep over it. Offer choices and let him decide.

May I also suggest a book? Sportswise by Lyle Micheli MD.

Vision Therapy makes a Difference

Before my daughter started vision therapy she also would get tired a lot. When she was taking Karate she would just slump over and say she was tired. I thought she was just being a pain. I was amazed at the difference vision therapy makes.

Starting Martial Arts

My son is supposed to start vision therapy soon. I bet that does influence his level of comfort with the karate. The class I found that you pay by the class is more competitive/macho than this one I signed him up for. I think I just need to keep looking. I think I’ll let him watch for a while and wait for him to choose to join in when he is ready.

Tight Vision - What's that?

I was talking to one of the doctors at my daughter’s vision therapy the other day. I was commenting on how before we started the therapy she would never guess and now she does (some). The doctor was saying that she has what they call tight vision. She asked if her personality was loosening up as we loosened her vision. It was a light bulb moment. She has mellowed a lot. I thought it was just a confidence thing, but now I can see that it's more than that. The brain is such an amazing thing.

Homeschooling in New Zealand

Here is an article I enjoyed reading.

Homeschooling in New Zealand

Vision Therapy

I was talking to one of the doctors at my daughter’s vision therapy the other day. I was commenting on how before we started the therapy she would never guess and now she does (some). The doctor was saying that she has what they call tight vision. She asked if her personality was loosening up as we loosened her vision. It was a light bulb moment. She has mellowed a lot. I thought it was just a confidence thing, but now I can see that it's more than that. The brain is such an amazing thing.

Being a Perfectionist

My daughter played soccer last fall. Actually she only played the last couple of weeks. She just watched and hung out for the first 5 weeks or so. She is a perfectionist. She has to feel totally confident that she knows what's expected of her before she'll do it. It was so frustrating taking her to the field all those times. I actually suggested she quit several times, but she said she didn't want to. It was so great when she finally went out there and played. She smiled and laughed and had a great time. It was a reminder that I have to give her time and relax.

My son drumming

I just had to share this video of my son drumming

Hypotonia (low tone)

With his hypotonia (low tone) and motor-planning challenges, he has never been the best athlete. At the same time, he plays tag and climbs on the playground equipment like all the other kids. (Can't ride a bike, though.) He was on the swim team this past summer and showed promise in back stroke. He was not at the same skill level as his peers, but he was not horrible by any means.

I would like for him to be involved in a sport for all the obvious reasons, and also because I like to feel a part of our community and enjoy watching him gains athletic skill and mature. The problem is that he hates being involved in sports. He started Karate classes and the teacher and atmosphere could not be more supportive and sensitive. Yet, he is balking big time. On Saturday when he was done with a class, he said he had fun. He's expressed some pride in what he'd learned. But then Tuesday we went to the dojo and he refused to go in the room. He said he just didn't want to. He said he still feels a little shy.

I know him well enough to know that if he isn't enjoying something wholeheartedly, he will become less and less willing to do it. Also, the program costs money and requires a large advance payment, and I'm afraid
I'll waste our money.

It is so depressing to have a child who is not typical in this regard. I know it's not the end of the world if he doesn't do this, but at a deeper level, I'm worried he won't engage in life when it's challenging. He won't work past his perfectionism, shyness, and awkwardness, whatever it is. And he is capable, even with his disabilities. At the same time, I have never had the heart for competition and have been pretty inhibited in some respects. I don't want him to be the underachiever I have been.

I know he is unusually sensitive, and that is not a bad quality, but it does make things tough at times.

I also worry that he won't be fit. I already feel guilt about his eating habits. He just won't eat any veggies and eats only bananas and apples.

I know I can get out and take walks with him, etc., that's not really what
I'm concerned about. It's really more the fear I have about his future and his happiness. I know I have no control (or very little), but I still am obligated to give him the best chance possible. A sensory integration/coach told me a year ago that he needed to work on mental toughness. I thought karate might help with that. But now he's probably not going to do it.

I hate it when I can't sleep and I'm overcome with guilt and fear.

Finally, my husband will not do any physical activities with him for
his own good. I feel very over burdened because of that.

We've Got to Be That Light - A Gift to America's Teachers

We've Got to Be That Light - A Gift to America's Teachers (and homeschoolers)

The Explosive Child

I would like to recommend "The Explosive Child". Although my son isn't quite as explosive as those in the book, some of the techniques it mentioned helped us. I was also interested to read stories from other people with much worse problems than mine.

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

Flying with Children

Last week as we were coming back from San Antonio and I said to both children as they were behaving badly in the car, "If we had a choice, I would put you both in timeout right now and we wouldn't go anywhere, but the truth is that we have to take this trip and get on the airplane, so I expect you to give us our best behavior." Incredibly, they did. But I also afforded them the opportunity to run as much as possible in the airport before take off and in between flights. We also make it a practice to take games, books, food, coloring/drawing stuff on excursions like this.

The flight attendants complimented us on our well-behaved children. Did you get that? And the truth is, that they were. I think that sometimes children just need to test the waters.

Also, if I can make whatever is bugging them less, it helps. For instance, while hubby got the tickets, I had the children leap frogging around a small portion of the floor to see who could jump the furthest. In between flights, I did some movement songs within a contained area. Yesterday, while shopping, they got maxed out, and while spanking/disciplining them didn't help, singing a song about how hungry we all were did. They actually behaved better as we went through the check out line and into the car, and even discussed the best place to get food we all liked fast, and whether to call dad to join us there. Sometimes when I just playfully – or even if the situation warrants it seriously - accept where they are and don't make a bigger deal of it than it is, that in and of itself saves the day.

The Nurturing Heart Approach and Active Alert Child

I really enjoyed both The Nurturing Heart Approach and Active Alert Child. I think that the first helped me to set up boundaries we could all live with. In addition, I really have been more explicit about consequences, which makes sense since, in this world, we have a lot of them, whether or not they are explicit or implied. I have not instituted the credit system, and don't plan on doing it. I don't think that I want to get into that type of reward system, though if I were to use one, that is the one I would choose. Instead, when things are out of hand, I will take away an activity and say you are losing privileges for that behavior. This has happened a few times, and I have found it helpful.

Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach

Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser , Jennifer Easley

Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach


It is an easy book to read, written for a busy parent in crisis, who needs to be able to read quickly to get through it. The authors already took notes for you, putting the main points in bold, and using a format which accommodates reading on the run - which is, at least for me, the only way reading gets done - in the bathroom between things while the children are getting along or getting ready for bed. I have been able to read for less than a minute and get something useable. It is written as a tool book.

I recommended Transforming the Difficult Child I just finished reading Backtalk. I must say, that the former helped me lots more, though the latter is good for feeling secure in your decisions. I found that just taking away privileges wasn't working in my home because we were caught in a cycle of negative reinforcement. We needed to get out of that, and Transforming the Difficult Child empowered me to do that. Now we are all doing tons better, and I appreciate the latter. It is because I am now in a position of strength.

John Holt Quote

"What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children’s growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all." John Holt

Introducing the Dentist to Spirited Kids

Don't forget that while you have yucky associations with the dentist, the sound and smell of the drill, she has never experienced it before and may have a completely different view of it. Also, if your dentist, even though he isn't an expert with "spirited" kids, has any experience with kids at all, he probably has a routine that introduces the drill, explains what is going on etc. Keep an open mind. My spirited one did pretty well with that stuff. (Until he reached the braces stage! Another story) this is something that you'll handle in one way or another and then it will be over. Good luck!

Spirited Behavior at the Dentist

My son went to a couple of orthodontists and both wanted to do a Herbst device. It basically does the same job as headgear (slows the upper jaw while the lower jaw catches up to correct an overbite, his is minimal) and he wanted no part of that!! It did look primitive and uncomfortable. So we settled on just a space retainer for his bottom teeth, this will maintain a little bit of space while his permanent teeth come in and prevent them from being too crowded. He still needs braces but you know, his teeth really aren't bad and we wanted to see how he would be with just this little thing. He spent two days absolutely crazed, crying sobbing saying his life was ruined! Typical spirited kid fashion. By day three he had forgotten about it. So, we may get the braces yet.

Planning at the Beginning of Homeschooling

I would sit down by myself with a good cup of coffee (or whatever you drink or eat as treat) and begin to think through the whole home schooling process. *Why* did you choose to home school your son? What method is your preference? Do you have an educational philosophy? What is most important to you in educating your son? What do you want to achieve with him?

I would take notes on your thoughts and ideas and think them through. How can you achieve the things that are the most important to you in regards to his personal development, your relationship with him, and his education?

Then I would have a little hot chocolate date with him and find out what exactly he is looking for in his education. It is his education after all.
What is important to him? Are there any things that he really wants to learn about? Any places that he is really interested in visiting?

Don't forget too that there is the whole deschooling process to go through too. It usually takes about a month for each year of traditional school to deprogram, settle down, and learn how to listen to his own ideas again. To not think in that mass education model.

It is certainly ok to take a break to re-group and to develop your plan of how you want to proceed. I don't know many 9 year old little boys who will want to sit and do school work as in paper work. Be thinking of ways to engage him, make a volcano with sand and baking soda and vinegar, show him the live-cam of Mt. St. Helens if it’s still up, and talk about Vesuvius.

It is important to kind of develop a road map for yourself, even if you have decided to unschool. You still need a plan of how you will facilitate for your son.

Starting the Homeschooling Journey

How long have you been "home"? Some kids need a chance to deschool after being in a school environment. Take some time off of academics to just enjoy being at home and together. Kind of a getting to know each other in a new light, being on a homeschooling adventure together. I've heard something like a month for every year spent in school. He will catch up later on, since most homeschooled kids are ahead in the long run. Taking even a month off won't put you behind. Play games, read books, watch movies, build stuff, make crafts, cook, visit museums, take lots of field trips with no focus on academics for a while. Just have fun together. Then ease back into the planned things a little at a time, starting with what he is most interested in. There is plenty of time for academic type book learning with a curriculum. And, he will still be learning from things you do each day. Keep a portfolio of what you do, and I'll bet you'll be surprised at how much he has learned even while you were taking time to deschool. It's a journey not a race.

Being in School

I remember being in school (especially when I was in high school) and I came home feeling that the entire day was a waste because I didn't do anything the whole day. There are days when a teacher is absent or if the school has an assembly and they don't do work at all. So relax and enjoy the journey of homeschooling.

Keep Learning Fun!

Maybe if your son likes computer games then you can find some educational sites with games and he can do those. Or if he likes basketball he could shoot hoops while you give him an oral spelling test, etc, etc. Just keep learning fun!

To Make Homeschooling Work

To truly make homeschooling work then you need to find what works for you and your children. No two families are going to be successful by doing everything exactly the same.

Take a Break

How old is your son? I think that maybe you need to take a break. Find more fun activities that you can do together. If it means a much happier mood for everyone then maybe you need to homeschool for only 4 days a week or maybe just take a week off and see what happens. To me it is better to get a little behind and keep spirits up than to stay on task with everyone feeling frustrated. I know my girls are much younger but we don't always do school everyday. Today we took the day off from doing anything. They played and watched TV most of the day and I took this time to read a magazine and just rest. Now there are days when we might do school for 5 hours in one day but for most days we only do about 2 hours. You need to find a routine that works for you all.

Great List of Books

Here's a list of books on Amazon, which have helped me
a lot

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/listmania/list-browse/-/1D9DUVFQ2H04Q/107-2\
538010-5106961 

Knut Schmidt-Nielson Quote

It has been said that the primary function of schools is to impart enough facts to make children stop asking questions. Some, with whom the schools do not succeed, become scientists. - Knut Schmidt-Nielson

Toy gun rules

I used to have a no gun rule in my house but 2 years
ago I dropped it and this is why.

I read about boys who cross dress (dress in women's
clothes) and they had the desire to dress in girls'
clothes when they were young and were denied it. So as
adults they wore women's clothes. I reasoned that I
should let my boys play with toy guns then when they
were older they wouldn't have the desire to use real
ones.

When my son needed stitches

Our youngest, now 4, and by far our most spirited, had to have stitches on his scalp last year. The instant I saw the cut I began to dread what lay ahead. It was clear from the depth of the cut and where it was located, he would need stitches. As he saw me reach for the phone to call out pediatrician he cried even harder. I pictured 10 people holding him down while they did stitches. Instead I began to calmly tell him we were going to the dr., that the dr. would have to look at his cut, that he would need to close it with stitches.

He asked if it would hurt. I bit my lip, took a deep breath, and said "yes." The tears and howls increased but I was firm. We were going. By the time we reached the doctor’s office my son had calmed. They were all very gently with him and told him everything they were doing. That helped immensely. Instead of talking to me, then to him, they spoke directly with him. They placed a large numbing patch over the cut that we held on for 15 minutes I think. The stitches took even less time than that. I was amazed at how well the whole thing turned out - I never would have believed it in a million years. I was very grateful to the staff and let them know I appreciated them bringing my son into the treatment instead of ignoring him and his pain level.

The Freedom to be Different in an Environment that Conforms - Stargirl

Stargirl

This is one of my all time favorite books. Stargirl was homeschooled and then she started high school. She was different from the other children. At first the other children were suspicious of her, but then they grew to love her. Because she had been homeschooled she had the self-confidence to be herself and that is the story of the book.

I heard the criticism that the story in the book takes place in Arizona and the facts about Arizona aren't fully correct, but not knowing much about Arizona I didn't find anything incorrect when I read it.

If you like the book, there is a sequel, Love, Stargirl and the other Jerry Spinelli book I like is Maniac Magee

Explosive, Impulsive Temperament with Occasional Aggression

My son will be 5 at the end of this month. At the age of 15 months he contracted meningitis and lost his hearing. Cognitively, he is fine. He has a slight delay due to the hearing loss. We sign, but the hearing still impacts his language acquisition. He is a smart little guy though.

Anyway, about 6 months later, we began to experience some pretty scary tantrums. I began to refer to them as rages due to their severity. We had a difficult time getting any kind of help initially because everyone insisted it was normal two-year-old behavior, but trust me, it wasn't. My son has a very explosive temper and would often act out aggressively when upset (kicking, biting, scratching, etc.) Once he started school (at age 3) we had already found a child psychologist who was helping us with some behavior modification strategies that seemed to be helping. We only saw him for a short time because we moved closer to the state school for the deaf. I thought that maybe if he was immersed in a signing environment, his language would improve and maybe that would help him communicate through language rather than through aggressive outbursts. This was a huge mistake! We had very little support for his behavioral needs (classes were way too big and they refused to provide a personal aid who could address his behavioral needs appropriately). The entire year was a waste and he was completely out of control by early spring. There wasn't a day that I didn't get some kind of negative report back from the school "T bit a child today; T refused to go to the lunchroom; T ripped up one of our bulletin board displays while in time out" You can imagine what a nightmare this was for all of us. I was scared to death for my child's future and had no idea how to help him.

I ended up pulling him out of school that spring and had started to look into homeschooling. About this time, we found a wonderful neurologist who began to evaluate him. He diagnosed him with a combination of disorders (Oppositional Defiant Disorder -ODD-, Sensory Integration Disorder -SID-, and ADD) which I think basically describes his behavior more than really diagnose why the behavior occurs. Regardless, we started experimenting with meds and after several failed to show much improvement we tried a medication called Risperdal. He has been on a combination of Risperdal and Tegretol and is functioning MUCH better! He is still a daily challenge and still has problems with an explosive, impulsive temperament with occasional aggression, but nowhere near what we experienced that school year.

We ended up giving our home district a shot the following year and were VERY pleased by all they were able to accomplish. He started off the year in a very restrictive setting (a small preschool class for children with disabilities) so that we could get his behavior under control. His teacher was amazing and by the end of the first semester, they were recommending that he be placed in a mainstream classroom. He continued to improve and while he still needed a lot of supervision and attention to his behavior, he was socializing much better, participating more, and his noncompliance had reduced significantly.

Because he is entering kindergarten, he had to change schools and the new school is in a new district. We had a meeting and were very encouraged by the people we met with and decided that he would attend their summer program to ease him into their school. We discussed all his needs and indicated that while they might experience some transition problems, if they provided a structured, consistent environment for him, he should even out and do fine. Well, they basically did everything we told them NOT to do. The first four days he was there they had him in three different classes. All the change coupled with problems with his hearing device, etc made for some serious regression behaviorally. We had a big meeting where they asked for one more chance (which they again blew in much the same fashion) and my husband and I finally decided that we could not allow them to undue all the hard work T had done the previous year.

That brings me to now. I have decided to homeschool him and have decided to use a combination of things. I've ordered the FAIR curriculum, but plan on using other activities and methods to supplement the FAIR curriculum. I am reading Teach your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons and would love to hear from anyone who may have used this in the past.

I, like most parents embarking on this journey with their child, feel a bit intimidated by the whole task. Not so much because of his hearing impairment, but because of the behavior. I worry about getting into power struggles when I want to do something "school" related and other issues of non-compliance. I worry about not having much of a break (by the way, I also work full-time at night, dh works during the day) or time for me, but
I can't imagine taking any chances with my son's future either. He really is a great little boy. He can be the sweetest, funniest, silliest little thing and he brings lots of joy to our lives in spite of the extra work we sometimes have to put in. I just want to make sure that all these positive aspects of his personality aren't completely overshadowed by all the challenging ones. I am hoping that homeschooling will allow us to do this.

Gas at the dentist

When my daughter needed a filling they gave her gas. It was just a little bit to make her calm. I really don't think they would have been able to do it otherwise. It was a terrible ordeal just getting the x-rays taken. And I had prepared her for it. Luckily for us the dentist has three boys, at least one of which is spirited.

I dread the day

I dread the day I have to take my kids for fillings. I would try a good explanation and a decent reward.

Going to the Dentist!

I have to take my 7 year old to get two fillings. She loves having her teeth cleaned but when I took her last time, they changed the routine and wanted to take some x-rays. Of course she "blew a gasket" (using that description for lack of better one right now). I explained very calmly that because we didn't know about this change in the routine, I wasn't able to prepare her, blah, blah, blah, and therefore x-rays could not be taken that day. We proceeded with the cleaning, no problem. So the next time we went in, I had told her exactly what they were going to do-- no problem. Yeah! But now the fillings! You know how SENSITIVE our kids are to even the thought of discomfort, coupled with the sound of the drill, the smell of the drill, the taste of the goop and possibly a little blood. I'm not telling her (obviously) that I think she's going to "blow a gasket" but experience tells me that I am not prepared to handle this and neither is she (never mind that poor dentist that has no clue as to what a child who is MORE is like!)

My daughter drains me

I have 3 children, "only" one who is spirited. But she can drain me where I am worn out for days. My daughter is very spirited and challenging and has always been. We've always done attachment style parenting so I never thought it could be as hard as it is now. She’s very disrespectful and I've tried a lot of different things over the years. But now I am very strict, not allowing her to be disrespectful to me. I send her to her room and now I'm trying something new of taking all her stuffed animals and dolls away from her (enough to stuff a whole garbage bag full) and making her earn them back by being respectful all day.

Yesterday I made our first appointment with a counselor. I don't want this to continue through the teen years, we need help now. It's driving me nuts. I never knew parenting could be so hard. We have always homeschooled. We're involved in a lot of different activities though, including right now she is going to a 2 week girls school program with only fun artsy classes, 5 every day. She loves it! I'm really happy for her that she is able to do this. I just wish she could go there all year. But we could never afford it. Anyway, it'll be good to be around other homeschoolers with spirited kids!

Yes, My Grown Homeschooled Children Are Odd — And Yours Will Be Too!

I love this article, written by Diane Flynn Keith

Yes, My Grown Homeschooled Children Are Odd — And Yours Will Be Too!

Going For Shots

My son went hysterical at having shots that I refused to take him anymore. So my husband took him for one shot and promised an ice cream if he didn't cry. Not only did he not cry, but also he was so still that my husband didn't believe she really gave him the shot. He took the band-aid off to check before he would buy him the ice cream.

Homeschooling Boys - Gaining Maximum Success from Minimum Cooperation

What do you do when life gives you boys to raise? Tina Razzell’s answer is to homeschool them. In her fifteen years as a homeschool mom she’s discovered that life with boys is not easy, always creative and often unpredictable.

She shares in this book her trials and successes homeschooling her four children, three of them male.

If you are starting to homeschool one or more boys, then this book will be a valuable help to your journey. If you have been homeschooling for a while you might relate to some of the stories.

Here's the link Homeschooling Boys - Gaining Maximum Success from Minimum Cooperation

My son is my spirited one.

My son is my spirited one. For him it takes the form of sensitive, serious, extrovert (extreme), perceptive and attached (on my good days) or needy (on my not so good days). Although I have heard about and been around homeschoolers for years, I never thought it would be best for us. There were times that I didn't even think I liked my son, let alone wanted to spend all that time with him. But, it turns out that the most challenging parts of him are why I want him to stay with me. This year we are delaying kindergarten while I convince DH of homeschooling.

Caterpillar to Butterfly

Our main concentration this week is the caterpillar she found the other day, we put him in a jar, and he is now making his cocoon. Last fall we were very lucky when her grandma found a caterpillar in her flower bed and we did the same thing and to our surprise when it emerged from his cocoon it was a Monarch butterfly. I am not sure what we have this time but it is sure interesting to watch.

This is our first year homeschooling

This is our first year homeschooling and we love every minute of it. We chose homeschooling for a few reasons. First of all being the violence in public schools today. Second wanting the best education for our children.
Our oldest daughter also has ADHD and a compulsive disorder. We were very concerned with her getting the attention she was going to need and how she would get treated by other children and teachers. I use to work with daycare children and I remember the children that were a little hyper or different were always labeled as problem children and I did not want that for her.

I second-guessed myself for the first half of this year but once she started to really catch on I knew I had made the right decision. We started with preschool curriculum but she has surpassed that. She is having a little trouble with her ABC's, though she knows them and can write them, she is having trouble with recognizing them. It’s the same with numbers. Right now she really enjoys rhyming and will spend an hour walking around the house finding things that rhyme.

We have decided on schooling the entire year. She does not handle stress very well so we are a very relaxed home schooling family. We do things in small increments and give her plenty of time to do the work. I also try to make it as interesting as possible and use everything to my advantage to help her learn. Anything that I can use I do from grocery shopping to picking up toys by colors or counting. Schooling at home has also been good for my daughter Deanna who turns 3 in two weeks’. She joins right in with us. She knows all her ABC's, counts to 20, can spell her name, and can remember the words to any song I teach her.

Kids' Artwork

I tell my daughter that she will grow up to be an artist too or maybe a world-renowned book illustrator. Especially since she struggles so much with academics. We want her so much to be in tune with her gifts aside from that issue. She is an intricate artist. She mainly uses pencil and can draw for hours. If we encourage her to add some color she balks.

All of my kids are artistic and the interesting thing to me has been to watch each of their styles unfold. My son is a very technical person paying close attention to details. His drawings are mainly very intricate in pen and ink and pencil.

My other daughter is this explosive, bold artist. Her use of color never ceases to amaze me. I have some of her things framed and hanging around and I love them because they are so bright and full of who she is.

Framing the kids’ artwork and filling your house with it is one of my favorite simple pleasures in life. It makes a home so welcoming to have it filled with things created by its inhabitants.

Dads and daughters

Our oldest has ADHD and my husband does not know how to deal with her and doesn't even try for that matter. When I try to explain things to him regarding her or any of our children he just doesn't listen. I wish he would try harder and let me, help him to understand them. Instead he just chooses to ignore or fight me on everything. My girls are very attached to me because of the way he acts and they shut him out all the time. He thinks that he does nothing wrong even though other family members and friends of ours have told him that they see the same things I do between him and our girls.

I think right now our girls are to young to let this affect them but when they get older, all I can think is what they will think of their father then. I just hope that he will either start listening to me or start to see what he is doing before it is too late.

Doing what our parents did

My DH also had a very poor Mother figure to this day still does. I on the other hand have a wonderful family and it sometimes really bothers me that he is not more involved with our girls. Simple things like giving up a little computer or TV time just to sit down and play with them. His excuse they do not want him there. My answer - then just sit with them while they play at least he would still be spending time with them.

Dad helping around the house

It took me 10 years of marriage to realize that although dh won't share his time with doing things, he's very willing to share his money. So I hire babysitters (and recently someone to clean the house) and dh has no problem whatsoever with that. I could hire lots of people all the time and as long as I don't ask him to clean for me, he's fine. The limit is not the money as far as he's concerned. The limit is finding suitable helpers.

I must say that when he was growing up his mother did everything around the house and his father earned the money and rested/relaxed in the evening, so that is the role model my dh had. I've learned, however to give him one job at a time and be specific with requests. He never responds to things like, "Please will you do more to help", but he will respond to "I have to sit down, can you make the meal, we are having X, Y and Z"

Does Dad help with schoolwork?

As far as homeschooling goes, it's my territory. Occasionally he will talk to my son about something mathematical and 10th Grade, or about astronomy or science. My son grasps it and is inspired, but apart from that and reading to the children he's just not interested enough to actively teach anything.

Dads and husbands

I've wanted to reply on the subject of dh's all week and now I finally can. Basically my dh does nothing around the house, he finds working a full time job so stressful that when he's at home he wants to relax and do nothing. He also does one thing at a time, so if I go out and leave him with the children he looks after the children and doesn't do anything else. For instance, if I go shopping on a Saturday morning and come in at 1pm or 2pm, everyone says, "Mom's in, I'm hungry, what's for dinner?" dh doesn't think to make lunch when I'm not there. (And the children don't think to ask - why is it they are only hungry when Mom is at home?)

To file or not to file?

I could file an affidavit but I am not sure if I would take that route considering my youngest’s learning issues. I did home school that way years ago and it was fine, but my older two were grade levels ahead and were quite the positive advertisement for home schooling. My youngest is behind and if someone checked on us, I am concerned about how it would look and the repercussions it could have on us. I do have all of her testing records so I could prove that we have been staying on top of her stuff as much as is possible and that there are real issues going on, not just us being lazy.

Delayed Mastery

My daughter does that delayed mastery thing. For some reason she needs that time to let her mind work on things. All of the "unschooling" principles seem to make sense, fits in with everything I've been studying brain development and such. I just feel like I need to approach it slowly. Workbooks, or whatever it is that is making school drudgery for her. It only takes five to ten minutes for her to complete one page of math and she thinks it is too hard. She does all of the problems, without much instruction, but to her it is drudgery, just five minutes seems like an eternity to her and she doesn't feel good about it. I'm trying to acquire more games which include math, she likes these. Changing my way of thinking and responding to her is slow going for me.

How to Easily do Subtraction in your Head

This is a really cool method of subtracting. It is actually the method taught in the Singapore math books that I turned into an article.

How to Easily do Subtraction in your Head

Unschool? Formal Schooling? Playing Games?

I'm fearful of letting the rest of the school year go totally unschooled. I'm still chicken I guess. This is a big step for me, and I haven't really discussed it thoroughly with her dad. I am gradually changing my way of thinking though. And we really haven't done much formal schooling since Thanksgiving. I have been trying to spend more time with her lately, trying to sort things out. We've been playing a lot of games, which she loves. It seemed like we would work and work on a concept and then finally out of frustration let her have a two week break and she would come back with it mastered!

2 Year Old Stripping

I’m desperate for some advice. My 2-year-old son is now into the "nude phase". He takes his clothes and diaper off any chance he can get. He's trying to pee in his toddler toilet, so exited that he shows interest but ... the taking his clothes off all the time is not so much fun. It's in particular interesting when he does it in bed and I'm busy changing sheets several times a day. He is able to open any buttons, diapers so not sure if there is a solution.

First of all, with diapers they can be put on the child back-to-front. It will take your child a while to work out how to take off a diaper that fastens at the back. If they do work out how to do that then you can add packing tape or duct tape to the diaper fastener.

Second, if your child enjoys running around naked designate one day of the year, we used May 1st, as “naked day”. If my child wanted to be naked I’d say, “Oh you can’t be naked today, it’s not Naked Day.” The fact that they could go naked sometime in the future meant that they didn’t today. Usually May 1st came and went and then he would ask, “When is naked day?” I’d tell him we’d just had naked day and he’d have to wait until next year and he accepted that. Of course I never reminded my children when Naked Day actually arrived.

Tina's Treasures

I run a Facebook Fan page that deals with getting rid of clutter. Articles I write, as well as some other things, are posted there.

Tina's Treasures

For Better or For Worse - Bedroom Tidying

I love this comic strip, I think it says it all. Be sure to read the author's comments at the bottom too.

For Better or For Worse Comic Strip

What is a spirited child?

Have a look at these two answers to that question

What is a spirited child?

What's a spirited child?

Living Joyfully with Children

I'd like to recommend a book - Living Joyfully With Children I very much agreed with their ideas, it was nice to read my views in print. They believe that "just because every 5 year old is on a soccer team, doesn't mean my child has to join if I feel they are not ready or it". I strongly agree. They also recommend ways of reducing stress in their lives, and seem to make decisions for their family based on what is good for their family and not what society expects. They say just because it is common for everyone to do this, doesn't mean it's right for my child.

Children Need Routine and Ritual

I think children need routine and ritual in a their life. A child needs to be prepared for sleep time, you can't let him watch TV until 15 minutes before bedtime and then tell him to hop into bed and expect him to go right to sleep. He needs to be brought out of the activity of the day gently, by doing activities with the parent such as helping to prepare dinner, setting the table, have bath time, brush teeth, read aloud by candlelight.

I believe children want to join in life rather than have it revolve around them.

Let me add that this all sounds wonderful but with three very busy, active, opinionated kids, I find it almost impossible to implement most of this. I am hoping that with only having my youngest home next year that we will be able to have a better schedule and routine, which she has asked me for repeatedly believe it or not.

Time for myself

Time for myself is part of my evening. I split the hours 30/30 roughly. 30 minutes work, 30 minutes enjoyment.

What do dads do?

Dh will do car repair and lawn work when he is around. The problem with us is that he works 80 + hours a week. And that is every week, not just a once in a while thing. So I do the "everyday, everything else". He shops, does minor repairs, doctors and all childcare. My son goes with me to volunteer events and board meetings. If I am involved with a group then my son comes with me.

A typical day? DH is up and out the door by 8 am, My son and I compete for 5 minutes of his attention before he's off. We do chores, schoolwork, errands if need be, visit with friends, have down time, dinner, stories, bedtime. Then my other work starts. I do the dishes, laundry, crafts for gifts, email, web crafting, and clutter control. I turn in around 1 am, at which point DH is just arriving home. On his day off, he runs errands and sometimes does carpentry on the side.

Math

My 7.5 year old is gifted in mathematics, but very reluctant to go too far astray of what he is "supposed" to be learning. Having books without grade levels on them works wonders, as does having literally half a dozen workbooks or textbooks going at a time. It becomes very eclectic (a week on 2-variable algebraic equations, two weeks on fractions, two weeks on percentages, then three weeks with "regular" arithmetic at 4th grade level) but if I look at it in the long term, I realize that he is playing with a particular *concept* for a while, under very different categories of mathematics. Multiplying, arrays, multiplying fractions (fractions themselves) and polynomials all relate to the same *idea* for him, so I have really backed off and allowed him to "play" in the different books.

Using a Set Curriculum

I don't use a set curriculum, except for math. And he loved math, was exceptional at it, until I started using this curriculum in November, then he hated it! But he has gotten used to it, I really had to set a schedule for that, one day a week for 20 minutes. But heaven forbid if I try to go beyond that time limit, he watches the clock like a hawk. I try to follow his interests, but even if I find something I know he would love, he resists me. I do try to discipline him when he starts with a bad attitude, usually sending him to his room to think about the situation and he can come down when he is ready. But I make sure he knows he still has to finish the schoolwork when he returns.

Allowance and Chores

With 4 children chore charts just got too complicated. Some parents are organized enough to do it, but I'm not.

We give our children allowance and it's not conditional. They do chores and they are not linked to allowance. They each have their own chores that they have to do each Saturday morning. Between them they clean the house and I do the rest, or fill in if a child misses their chores for some reason. The commonest amount is $1 for every 2 years of their life. My 11 year old gets $5 and the 15 and 17 year olds get $10 each per week.

Then I have a list of chores that are paid chores, so if a child wants to earn extra money, they can. Some paid chores are not optional, like mowing the lawn, they have to mow the lawn when it needs to be done, but they get paid to do so. I can't have long grass because no child needs to earn money right now.

I think the most important thing with allowance is that you don't give money in advance. If it's Friday and allowance is due Saturday and they want to buy something, then they have to wait. They can only buy something if they actually have the money.

As far as chores goes, each child has an area they are responsible for that is cleaned on Saturday. One child vacuums, another does the bathroom, another the kitchen, etc. Then if half way through the week the floor needs vacuuming I go to the child who is in charge of vacuuming and he has to do that. Chores are not rotated very often.

Delightful Whimsy

It's not quite on the topic of homeschooling your spirited child, but here's a Facebook fan page that I follow

Delightful Whimsy

The page is about Creating a tangible happiness. She also mentions a knitting, sewing and using coupons.

Teaching Your Child to Read

I have tried many reading programs. I taught my first two children how to read using Abeka and while I am not a big fan of the constant paperwork and busy work in Abeka, they do have a good strong reading program. It has many different components and if your child were into the idea of having school books, and doing school (my son loved that whole concept,) then Abeka would be a good choice. You could just buy their Handbook for Reading (the little blue book) and their phonics workbook and that should be fine. You would just work your way through the workbook and have your child read the various pages in the blue book. It is not a reading book, it is a book of blends, word beginnings, word endings, word parts so to speak.

What I have found is that despite what "program" we use most of our kids will learn how to read once we explain the dynamics of it all to them. Most of our kids will mull it over for a few weeks or months and figure it out with our guidance despite what program we are using and then they will take off and run with reading. So really, finding the ultimate reading program isn't all that weighty of a decision. I used to think it was, if I didn't experience success then I would try a new program when it was really more that the child wasn't ready to take off yet.

The Pyramid Concept of Educating Children

This article explains why you have to attend to a child's basic needs first before you can teach them.

The Pyramid Concept of Educating Children

Explosive, Impulsive Temperament with Occasional Aggression

My son will be 5 at the end of this month. At the age of 15 months he contracted meningitis and lost his hearing. Cognitively, he is fine. He has a slight delay due to the hearing loss. We sign, but the hearing still impacts his language acquisition. He is a smart little guy though.

Anyway, about 6 months later, we began to experience some pretty scary tantrums. I began to refer to them as rages due to their severity. We had a difficult time getting any kind of help initially because everyone insisted it was normal two-year-old behavior, but trust me, it wasn't. My son has a very explosive temper and would often act out aggressively when upset (kicking, biting, scratching, etc.) Once he started school (at age 3) we had already sought the help of a child psychologist who was helping us with some behavior modification strategies that seemed to be helping. We only saw him for a short time because we moved closer to the state school for the deaf. I thought that maybe if he was immersed in a signing environment, his language would improve and maybe that would help him communicate through language rather than through aggressive outbursts. This was a huge mistake! We had very little support for his behavioral needs (classes were way too big and they refused to provide a personal aid who could address his behavioral needs appropriately). The entire year was a waste and he was completely out of control by early spring. There wasn't a day that I didn't get some kind of negative report back from the school "T bit a child today, T refused to go to the lunchroom, T ripped up one of our bulletin board displays while in time out." You can imagine what a nightmare this was for all of us. I was scared to death for my child's future and had no idea how to help him.

I ended up pulling him out of school that spring and had started to look into homeschooling. About this time, we found a wonderful neurologist who began to evaluate T. He diagnosed him with a combination of disorders (Oppositional Defiant Disorder -ODD-, Sensory Integration Disorder -SID-, and ADD) which I think basically describes his behavior more than really diagnose why the behavior occurs. Regardless, we started experimenting with meds and after several failed to show much improvement we tried a medication called Risperdal. He has been on a combination of Risperdal and Tegretol and is functioning MUCH better! He is still a daily challenge and still has problems with an explosive, impulsive temperament with occasional aggression, but nowhere near what we experienced that school year.

We ended up giving our home district a shot the following year and were VERY pleased by all they were able to accomplish. He started off the year in a very restrictive setting (a small preschool class for children with disabilities) so that we could get his behavior under control. His teacher was amazing and by the end of the first semester, they were recommending that he be placed in a mainstream classroom. He continued to improve and while he still needed a lot of supervision and attention to his behavior, he was socializing much better, participating more, and his noncompliance had reduced significantly.

Because he is entering kindergarten, he had to change schools and the new school is in a new district. We had a meeting and were very encouraged by the people we met with and decided that he would attend their summer program to ease him into their school. We discussed all his needs and indicated that while they might experience some transition problems, if they provided a structured, consistent environment for him, he should even out and do fine. Well, they basically did everything we told them NOT to do. The first four days he was there they had him in three different classes. All the change coupled with problems with his hearing device, etc made for some serious regression behaviorally. We had a big meeting where they asked for one more chance (which they again blew in much the same fashion) and my husband and I finally decided that we could not allow them to undue all the hard work T had done the previous year.

That brings me to now. I have decided to homeschool him and have decided to use a combination of things. I've ordered the FAIR curriculum, but plan on using other activities and methods to supplement the FAIR curriculum. I am reading Teach your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons and would love to hear from anyone who may have used this in the past.

I, like most parents embarking on this journey with their child, feel a bit intimidated by the whole task. Not so much because of his hearing impairment, but because of the behavior. I worry about getting into power struggles when I want to do something "school" related and other issues of non-compliance. I worry about not having much of a break (by the way, I also work full-time at night dh works during the day) or time for me, but
I can't imagine taking any chances with my son's future either. He really is a great little boy. He can be the sweetest, funniest, silliest little thing and he brings lots of joy to our lives in spite of the extra work we sometimes have to put in. I just want to make sure that all these positive aspects of his personality aren't completely overshadowed by all the challenging ones. I am hoping that homeschooling will allow us to do this.

Backtalk, Negativity, Motivation, etc.

All the issues you have been talking about concerning backtalk, negativity, motivation, etc. have been going full force in our house. I believe that some of the intensity that we are seeing is based on us moving twice in 6 months. Don't get me wrong- my son has always got this behavior but not always as bad as it's been lately. I am trying to stay positive myself- it’s not easy. We are still trying to find the right therapist to help us. The therapist we saw a few weeks ago had recommended that we get an IEP through our new school district (even though we told her we wanted to homeschool, didn't want to address this through a school district, and that he already has an IEP through another district). Her second recommendation was that we see a behavioral therapist. We're having trouble finding one our insurance will cover and most of them cost $150 per visit, which is not a possibility.

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons

We're about 15 lessons away from finishing Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons. I love this book for my son - it's been perfect for him because it is supposed to get your child reading at 2nd grade level- the grade he is about to complete.

I used it with my son and it went well. Afterwards I went to an easy reader from the bookstore, library, anywhere I could find. I also ordered the first grade reading selection from Abeka. It was good too and progressed him to reading longer stories. He now is reading at a 3/4-grade level and is only in first grade. The book for him was a good fit to get him off and running in his reading. I have always read a lot to my kids.

I used this book to teach 3 of my 4 children to read, and each time we finished, I struggled for what to do next. What I did for each child was just to move on to easy readers, they were all ready for them after finishing TYCTR. With my daughter now I read to her a lot, and she always has to read the first page. She finds reading a whole book (even an easy reader) too much, but will happily read the first page, whatever the size of the book.

Why Boredom Can Be a Good Thing!

Have a look at this article about why boredom can be a good thing

Why Boredom Can Be a Good Thing!

And this is the book they are talking about

Summer...

We are taking it easy. At least that’s what I always try to say. We have
Vacation Bible school at our church every night this week, which I am the director and then we are heading to Tennessee and Arkansas next week for 6 days. Then we decided not to sign the boys up for any sports stuff this summer so we could have more time as a family to swim and stuff like that but they will start soccer in September. We continue to read daily together but otherwise not doing much other school work except day to day things and planting flowers and stuff outside.

Schooling over the summer

I like to do some school in the summer so we can work more within a 4 day week in the winter. I will have my teen boys start their new Math books and do 1 or 2 lessons a week to keep their hand in it. Also we never seem to get the Spanish stuff done so I want them to do some of that too. They both have part time summer jobs; carpentry and mowing. They love to fish and will be going to some camps.

My almost 7 and almost 5 yr old have just started K together and since the 7 yr old is LD I expect to supplement a great deal and take at least 2 years to complete it, so with them I will school all year lightly.

I do Flylady off and on, and summer is my time to really clean and organize so I am trying to get back on the wagon! My dh also seems to think I should get more done but he can not ever manage more than existing when I am gone!

What are you doing over the summer?

I spoke too soon with my son and said he could have the summer off from school. So, we'll be doing stealth schooling

He will keep reading, I'm sure. I have been amazed at his progress this year! I can only imagine how much better he'll do as I spend more time actually teaching him reading (we use the Wilson Reading Program).

I will also read to him every night, as always.

We will spend a lot of time at the pool and visiting friends. I also have signed him up for a 3-week day camp. It's a drama camp and I hope he really enjoys it. I know I will.

My son has made a new friend. He has met very, very few people he clicks with, being the sweet and quirky kid he is. A mom advertised on the local email homeschooling list and I wrote back to her, and now he has a really cool new friend. And the mom and I could be twins! We have the same type of children, the same health issues, the same education and profession and many more similarities. Once again, it's a miracle.

I love Flylady, but am happy to report a maid is coming today, and I am so relieved to have the help. DH was supposed to do some things around the house while I attended a homeschooling conference this weekend, but he argued that he couldn't do anything because of my son’s demands! And yet he thinks I should be able to handle so much more around the house.

ABC Home Preschool.com

Confused about how to Homeschool your child Preschool??? ABC Home Preschool.com now offers Online Courses for Parents on how to Homeschool their children Preschool!!!

Planning Curriculum for your Preschooler

Preschoolers have lots of energy in short bursts, a wonderful curiosity and a short attention span. Here are things you should plan in your preschool curriculum or homeschool preschool curriculum.

Planning Curriculum for your Preschooler

How do I help my child to unschool?

I like the idea of an experimental month, it seems safer than just jumping in. I casually asked my daughter what she thought of picking out something to study for the month and she said she would like to study dogs. So, I asked, "How would you go about doing this?" And she said that she would just watch our dog. This led to wondering how many hairs he had and if she could count them all. Then, she decided it would probably take 1000 years to count that many hairs, and that there were probably several million of them. She also said she liked observing his reactions to different things, and wondered what he was thinking when she threw snow at him and in his face. But she was not interested in observing other dogs or going to a dog show or checking out any books on the subject. So, how do you "study" the dog- would you leave it up to her to decide what she wanted to observe, note, etc.? What if she doesn't do a thing?

Books on Native American Indians

Here are a couple of books on Native American Indians by Scott O'Dell I would recommend

How to Organize Your Homeschool

Homeschooling is not easy in a disorganized, messy environment so here are some hints on organizing your life and your homeschool.

How to Organize Your Homeschool

Is unschooling a good idea?

I've got a 10 year old daughter who is working on overcoming her dyslexia. She still needs a lot of one on one attention. Anyway, I've wanted to get some input on unschooling. My daughter really has a bad attitude about "formal" schooling (probably because I didn't understand and know how to handle her dyslexia until recently). And we really don't even do much in a formal sense, if I were to compare it to some of the very structured homeschoolers I know. I'm debating on trying "total unschooling" or just a more "relaxed" form of schooling. I'm just tired of fighting with her attitude about learning. I don't know how she'll learn anything with the attitude she has now.

She told me the other day that she doesn't want to get up in the mornings because she knows she will have to do school work. But she likes to get up on the weekends or when we are doing a special project, because then she has something to look forward to. The biggest problem I have now is convincing her that she CAN learn. I guess this is not an uncommon attitude for kids to have if they have been struggling, as she has. Now that I've got a better idea on how to teach her, she doesn't want to be taught.

If I don't unschool or relax a bit, and continue pushing on as we have, I hope that as she does better she will gain confidence and begin to enjoy it. I just don't know what to do. I just want her to enjoy learning, is that possible?

Refusing to Test

My favorite story to tell regarding my spirited girl is about her first day of partial school a couple of weeks ago, the teacher walked her out to me and said she refused to do our placement tests or to read or write or do anything not fun. He had asked her why and she asked him who said they HAD to do it anyway? I laughed and said she is here for morning meeting, centers, snack, and recess what does she need to be tested for? I then said try again tomorrow after you explain to her what the word test means because she has never heard it, then we shook hands and left. Tomorrow is her last day and she has yet to do the tests or writing or reading or anything not fun.

Happy Father's Day

Here's my Father's Day quote:

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Happy Father's Day to all the dishwashing dads.

Is my son from another planet?

My husband looks at our son like he's from another planet sometimes and says things (to me only) like, "I would never have done that or spoken to my parents that way." Well, his cousin laughed when I told her that, she said that he was way more spirited than our son and THEN SOME! My husband found cycling as a kid and ended up focusing all his spare time and energy on it. His report cards said things like, "doesn't apply himself" "could do better" "needs to work on his attitude". But my husband doesn't remember any of that and can't see how similar he is to his son. He thinks he was well-behaved and obedient and I think that's because he was raised for many years by his grandparents--who wanted a boy and ended up with four girls--and he was their Golden Boy, the son they never had but so desperately wanted, and he could do no wrong in their eyes. Lucky him. I want that for my son too. We love homeschooling for many reasons but have little support with my wonderful kiddo's regarding it, especially if I want to get something accomplished.

Daily Tantrums

My son had daily tantrums, the smallest of things would spark him off. I would tell him to go to his room and calm down, but that just made things worse. He would go into his room and trash the place, giving us hours of work when once he had calmed down.

By the time he was 4th grade he seemed to turn into the Incredible Hulk when he had a tantrum, and gain extra strength for someone his age.

What I did was I took him out for breakfast once a week and we discussed the previous week. I asked him what caused the tantrum, how he had reacted and how he should have reacted. That way, we reduced the severity of the tantrums and gradually reduced the frequency.

We learned to recognize what happened in the minutes before he blew. And he said that being sent to his room made him angrier. He decided to go into a different room and sit quietly in a chair when he was feeling like exploding, or had just exploded. Then he made the decision to return to family life when he felt he was calm enough.

He’s a teenager now and recently told me he didn’t think he ever got angry as a small child. Gee, I wish I’d had a video camera back then!

Removing my emotion from the situation

It took me many years of parenting a spirited child to learn to remove my emotion from the situation.

When my son had a tantrum I would become really angry. He would yell at me and I would yell back. Things escalated. It was only when I sat down and thought about it that I realized I could control the situation more than he could, and although I was really mad, I didn’t need to show it.

It was really hard when he showed anger for me to reply back calmly, to comment on the situation but not argue with him. But as I learned to do that, he quieted down much sooner.

Years ago, when autism was first diagnosed, autistic children were thought to be the children of “refrigerator mothers”. Maybe it wasn’t so much that the mom was cold in the first place, but that she learned how to cope with her child’s emotions.

When my son had a major tantrum

Today my son had one of his worst tantrums in a while and I actually handled it better than any I’d seen in the past.

He just became a sobbing blobbing mess. He couldn’t talk, he couldn’t walk, and all he could do was blubber and sob. And it was really over nothing. But it has to be over something, it just wasn’t very obvious at the time. Thinking back, he woke up mad, so it is really no surprise, but it really is a surprise to see him in such a state of collapse.

I was trying to get him from the playroom to his bedroom because he was so upset. I said in a quiet, low toned voice “you are having a tantrum. You need to go to your room until you calm down.”

I kept repeating “I need you to go to your room until you calm down” always using that low, calm monotone. (I am so proud of myself for maintaining that!)

He didn’t want to be touched so he kept scooting away from me, luckily in the direction of his room, and when he hit the wood floor of his room I gave a little push and he was all the way in. Then there was the battle over the door closing. When it became obvious I couldn’t win that one I held him for a while, but he was a mess and pretty non-responsive, so I set him on the bed and closed the door. He didn’t fight this time, but pounded the walls and floor. I fully expected to see holes in the wall, but I don’t think anything was damaged.

This is the first time I have successfully used the even-tone technique. I don’t think it helped so much as avoided an escalation, which is, I guess, help in itself.

But on the topic of behavioral therapy, I’ve been replicating some of the techniques from books. It seems pretty basic, from what I’ve read, but I’m sure I know a lot less than I think I know. I use some of the techniques with my son, especially reframing situations and modifying behavior.

To reframe you take a negative and turn it into a positive. You can look at the glass as half empty or half full. When he is upset that we didn’t get to do something I take the time to acknowledge how he is feeling and then list all the wonderful things we had done instead. If that happens often enough, his grumpiness starts to ebb and he starts telling everyone what he GOT to do.

With behavioral modification I try to work on little things gently, like instead of snatching something out of his sister’s hand I suggest that a gentler approach might work better and I’ll show him how to do it.

Focusing so much on this stuff has certainly changed MY approach with my kids, so maybe some of it will start sinking in with THEM!

Spirited Son is Refusing to use the Potty

Right now my spirited son is refusing to use the potty. He trained himself a year ago. I was watching for this when the baby was born, we had other rockiness, but not potty. Now the baby is close to crawling, spirited son refuses to wear a diaper, but will hold and even refuse to let it out when he is on the potty, screams in pain but won't release. When at home we can tell him that his choice is potty or a diaper and that if he wets the floor he'll have to help clean it up, which is what usually gets to him eventually. But when we are out, or in the middle of the night? At night he will scream for an hour or more. We are exhausted and my head is pounding. His issue (the direct one) is that he doesn't like his bottom telling him what to do. After last night's marathon he was adorable and cuddly and agreed to wear a diaper at night. But I know it won't reduce the battles, just the, ahem, "fall-out".

The Nightmare of Encopresis or Extreme Constipation in a Young Child

Reading Reflex - Teaching Your Child to Read

Yesterday while doing the Reading Reflex lessons with my daughter, we tried something a little different. I spread cornstarch out onto a cookie sheet and she "mapped" her words in that instead of paper and pencil. It was a major success. After we were done I let her mix water into the cornstarch and it made that gooey, slimy, kind of texture and she played with that for at least an hour. There are all kinds of suggestions in the book to have them map their words in, sand, salt, clay.

I really like Reading Reflex. It is so simple to use, no worksheets, and it covers everything and gives a good foundation. You cut the book up and use these little alphabet tiles for the lessons. It is very effective for most kids.

Ida B : --and her plans to maximize fun, avoid disaster, and (possibly) save the world by Katherine Hannigan

We just read Ida B : --and her plans to maximize fun,
avoid disaster, and (possibly) save the world by
Katherine Hannigan. We loved it! It's about a girl who
starts school and doesn't like it, so the parents
decided to homeschool her. When her mom is diagnosed with cancer she has to go back to school, and she has an attitude about it. The little girl's emotions seemed so real. I also love to read books about homeschoolers too.

Happy 11th Birthday

Today is my daughter’s 11th birthday. To celebrate I am writing this blog about the first year of her life. Some years fly by and some stand out in memory. This one was memorable.

I’d just had three crazy years with 3 little boys growing into slightly bigger boys. They wore costumes of Superman, Batman and Robin. Me, I thought I was Wonder Woman. Just as the youngest was 3 I sighed, looked at my husband and said, “Things seem a little easier now.” Within a month I discovered I was pregnant with my fourth child.

By the time my daughter was born the boys were 4, 6 and 8. I had a difficult pregnancy with extreme tiredness. Actually I think I’d have had extreme tiredness without being pregnant. The boys were energetic beyond anything I’d ever known.

What was really nice about having my fourth child was that everyone was homeschooled. I was running on my own timetable and not having to get the older children to school and back (maybe even multiple schools) every day. We stayed home a lot, we did as much schoolwork as we were able and we learned to function as a family. Well, dad was at work, but I learned to function with 4 children.

As soon as she was born I wondered if I could cope with 4 children, 3 of whom were very energetic boys. What I did was to take all 4 of them to a park as soon as we were ready each morning, which was often 10 or 11. I let the boys run around and play for an hour while I gave my daughter an extended feed. By the time we got home the boys had a little less energy, I was relaxed and my baby was ready for a long sleep.

The best thing that I remember about my daughter’s first year was that she was always held. One brother or another was always holding her. When dad came home he wanted to hold her. Sometimes she needed feeding and the person holding her wouldn’t give her to me because they would tell me, “I’ve only just got her!”

I’m not sure how much schoolwork was done, I know it was always on my mind. But I know the family bonding time was huge. I’m so thankful that for the first year of my daughter’s life she wasn’t put in and out of a car seat all day and had her sleep regularly disrupted. For most of the first year of her life she was given the message that she was much loved with 4 family members round her constantly. Whatever education my other children received or didn’t receive, family relationship has got to be a higher priority.

No one understands how difficult it is to homeschool a spirited child

My daughter could be the poster child for the spirited child!

I was thrilled to find there are other people who would understand both the homeschool mentality and the spirited temperament.

I’m looking to find some answers to difficulties we're having.

We are just beginning our homeschool adventure this year. My daughter’s temperament is one of the reasons we're homeschooling. We wanted to help her overcome the difficult parts of being spirited before she got crushed, penalized or labeled in school.

What a Godsend! I cried when I read Raising Your Spirited Child for the first time. It gave me hope that I wouldn't always be clashing with my daughter, and it was so affirming of our temperament. (Yep, I'm spirited,too! My poor husband!)

I feel no one understands this journey, I am looking for others with spirited children to share in the experience and not feel so ALONE.

I am very seriously considering home schooling my son. He has specific learning disabilities and is also both language and speech impaired.

I have read of these home school families where the dad is there, helping with the home schooling, being a part of all of the decisions as to what to study and how, it is very rare and personally I think they should stop printing those stories because they discourage the moms, the new homeschoolers who think that is how it is for everyone.

Why would You Choose to Homeschool Your Spirited Child?

A spirited child is one who is “more” intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and uncomfortable with change than the average child. They are just not easy to raise, so why would you want to homeschool your spirited child?

The answer is simple to a parent of a spirited child, they just don’t fit into the school environment. They are the children who are always being disciplined, told they are doing the wrong thing and whose parents are being called to the school to deal with the problem. Homeschooling that child will allow you to work with the child’s temperament instead of fight against it. It will allow you give the child permission to be different and to help them along the path that is truly theirs to take, all without feeling a failure. Now, wouldn’t any caring parent want to do that for their child?

The simple fact is that spirited children are harder to raise than other children. Other parents will frown on you and tell you that you should be stricter or parent a different way, but if you go with your gut feeling that school is squashing the spirit of your spirited child, you will do all you can to give your child the best homeschool environment possible.

Be encouraged, there are many of us homeschooling spirited children. You are not alone.

Deschooling and unschooling

I'm just tired of fighting with her attitude about learning. I don't know how she'll learn anything with the attitude she has now. She told me the other day that she doesn't want to get up in the mornings because she knows she will have to do school work. But she likes to get up on the weekends or when we are doing a special project, because then she has something to look forward to.


I have an idea-- let her take a month off of everything but one project of her choice. If she's avid about Pokemon, I can't help you think of ideas, but if she's an avid birdwatcher, let her revel in it. Find books with tons of pictures about birds, help her build bird feeders for the yard, etc. I know my son hates to write, so after the first week or so I very gently mention something like counting the birds, which land at the feeder one morning. Just let her go and very surreptitiously note how much time she'll spend on an activity that she enjoys.

If you keep track of the time she spends working over this "project month" you may be surprised to find that she spends much more time on it than is required for your state, and there may be small gaps in things like mathematics or social studies, but who cares as long as she is learning?

Your daughter may be older but she is definitely in need of the chance to discover for herself that she can learn, that she is smart, and that other people can value her learning. My advice would be to totally remove the burden of "school" from her. As she has just come out of traditional school she may need a time of decompression or deschooling.

This time is usually just a time relaxing and finding out what their interests are all over again. From discovering their interests they are able to launch off from there and begin to learn about what is important to them thus enjoy learning and education once again. Her first idea on school is that it is a lot of work, no fun. No matter how wonderful or dedicated of a teacher you are, her ideas have taken root. She needs the soil to be re-tilled with some fresh air, some added nutrients, lots of variety, and lots of time.

My daughter was a phenomenon to me. It seemed like we would work and work on a concept and then finally out of frustration let her have a two week break and she would come back with it mastered! My method would be to let my daughter know that you are done for the rest of school year with workbooks, or whatever it is that is making school drudgery for her. Then I would read aloud to her, I would take her ice skating, to plays, museums, cook together, walking each day if she is open to that, see what you see. Collect things along the way. Talk about life, answer her questions, and enjoy each other’s company, no pressure on either of you. Walking, nature walk, pressed some flowers in a book, flower identification, read a historical novel aloud, history, read some silly Shel Silverstein books (my favorite), talk about different forms of poetry, watch some ants scurrying about, insect identification, ant lifestyles and habits (ants really are interesting little creatures.) This way you can be sure that some learning really is going on, and hopefully feel good about the time off from what would seem to be more traditional schooling. Last but not least, if you both find joy in this, keep it up. Let her pursue her interests. You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain!

Do we need an official diagnosis?

I've gone through feeling the need for a "diagnosis" to try to explain this--then I talked to a friend whose mother is a psychologist and would constantly suggest that she have her daughter tested for various disorders. She decided to not test for anything and just work with her "personality" the way she would likely be told to do if she had a diagnosis. That's where I am with it now. He is who he is (like the boy in the piece by Anne Ohman) and I'm working hard to embrace rather than try to change it--easier said than done some days!

I was listening to Dr. Dean Edell a week or two ago (he has a radio show that plays here on Saturdays) and he talked about diagnoses and what you do with it once you get it. He said that had there been such a thing as an ADHD diagnosis when he was a kid, he would have gotten it! He went on to say that while he frustrated his teachers, his parents supported him and he found his way. He said that had he ended up in a typical practice like most doctors end up in, he would have likely been very unhappy, but not able to pinpoint why. But he feels thankful that he's not in that position--that he has a career he loves and that works for him. That's what I want to do for my child--help him find something that works for him. (Although I sometimes have to redirect myself BACK to that when I find myself trying to make him fit into MY box of wishes, hopes, and dreams for him).

Spirited for a Reason

I believe our children are spirited for a reason. I believe each child comes to earth with a purpose and a mission to fulfill and that our children need these increased sensitivities, insights, energy and abilities to accomplish their missions. My goal as a mother is to help my children learn how to use their spiritedness to their advantage as opposed to just trying to keep it under control. I'm a spirited adult myself and there are times that I curse that, but there are other times that I know I can accomplish more, be a better friend and learn things more deeply because of it.

So many times as a parent, especially dealing with my little children, I feel like their issues are nothing but a challenge but now my older children are starting to show glimpses of how it is also a blessing.

Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity

Click on the link to see an amazing video

Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity

TED Talks Sir Ken Robinson makes an entertaining and profoundly moving case for creating an education system that nurtures (rather than undermines) creativity.

Homeschooling Spirited Kids is not Easy

I have to fight to get my son to do his work. He seems to easily loose focus and at times is more stubborn than I am.


I hope she remains that strong willed when she grows up and wants to change the world, in the mean time I hope I survive to tell her about it.


How well I remember those comments about counseling and therapy, only they were often meant for ME :)...I guess spiritedness often looks like bad parenting.
We understand here. Join in. Ask questions. Just vent.


Some days it's tough to be together 24/7. When I occasionally consider school, it's because I'm feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. It would sometimes be nice for him to have to answer to someone other than me for SOMETHING. But then I realize I'd just be making him sit and do homework anyway--he'd just be physically away from me for part of the day (something I can accomplish in other ways at his age (13), I'm sure).

Raising Your Spirited Child

I always wanted to be a mom, but when I had 3 boys in less than 4 years my life became crazy. Then I decided to homeschool them and it became more crazy than ever. Many years later I discovered one was borderline autistic/dyslexic and another was ADHD, but I'm jumping ahead. When the boys were 2, 4 and 6 I thought I was about to lose my mind and then I discovered Mary Sheedy Kurchinka's book, "Raising Your Spirited Child." The book saved my sanity as I discovered some children were just "more" than others. She defines this as spirited and I discovered all three of my boys came under the diagnosis of "Spirited" and so did I. No wonder my life was tough. With understanding came the ability to cope, and so I did.

The problem with choosing to homeschool is that if you ever have a bad day (and believe me, you will have many) you have to choose who you complain to. For most people the answer is obvious, put your children in school. But for the committed homeschool parent the answer is not to let someone else look after your children during the day, but to work through whatever the problem is. It is in facing the problem we can solve it and that is what homeschooling is all about.

This blog is about my journey and the journey of fellow homeschool moms, many with spirited children.  This blog is about real life homeschooling with kids who are not quietly compliant and immediately obedient. This blog is about real life, real moms, real kids and real situations, not the ones you read about in homeschool magazines.

Many stories will be written in the first person, and not always by me. There are multiple moms contributing to this blog.