When my son had a major tantrum

Today my son had one of his worst tantrums in a while and I actually handled it better than any I’d seen in the past.

He just became a sobbing blobbing mess. He couldn’t talk, he couldn’t walk, and all he could do was blubber and sob. And it was really over nothing. But it has to be over something, it just wasn’t very obvious at the time. Thinking back, he woke up mad, so it is really no surprise, but it really is a surprise to see him in such a state of collapse.

I was trying to get him from the playroom to his bedroom because he was so upset. I said in a quiet, low toned voice “you are having a tantrum. You need to go to your room until you calm down.”

I kept repeating “I need you to go to your room until you calm down” always using that low, calm monotone. (I am so proud of myself for maintaining that!)

He didn’t want to be touched so he kept scooting away from me, luckily in the direction of his room, and when he hit the wood floor of his room I gave a little push and he was all the way in. Then there was the battle over the door closing. When it became obvious I couldn’t win that one I held him for a while, but he was a mess and pretty non-responsive, so I set him on the bed and closed the door. He didn’t fight this time, but pounded the walls and floor. I fully expected to see holes in the wall, but I don’t think anything was damaged.

This is the first time I have successfully used the even-tone technique. I don’t think it helped so much as avoided an escalation, which is, I guess, help in itself.

But on the topic of behavioral therapy, I’ve been replicating some of the techniques from books. It seems pretty basic, from what I’ve read, but I’m sure I know a lot less than I think I know. I use some of the techniques with my son, especially reframing situations and modifying behavior.

To reframe you take a negative and turn it into a positive. You can look at the glass as half empty or half full. When he is upset that we didn’t get to do something I take the time to acknowledge how he is feeling and then list all the wonderful things we had done instead. If that happens often enough, his grumpiness starts to ebb and he starts telling everyone what he GOT to do.

With behavioral modification I try to work on little things gently, like instead of snatching something out of his sister’s hand I suggest that a gentler approach might work better and I’ll show him how to do it.

Focusing so much on this stuff has certainly changed MY approach with my kids, so maybe some of it will start sinking in with THEM!